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 The 'I am a dumb shit sometimes' thread 
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Super Trooper
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Got bit by a donkey when I was a child - took me 20 years to figure out that the reason it happened was because I was an irritating little fucker and my mum's explanation of it being because I had an orange cardigan on so it thought I was a carrot was just bullshit!


Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:56 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
:lol: :oops:

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Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:58 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Solaris wrote:
Necrolee wrote:
Once I was walking into a building that had glass doors but I saw someone on the otherside coming out so I stopped to let them out first but they had the same thought and stopped to let me in, so I started to go for the door just as they did, so I backed off again just as they backed off. This continued for about 30 seconds until I realised it was my reflection.

Brilliant!

i have done this drunk many many times

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Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:12 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Wolf Bender wrote:
Solaris wrote:
Beermoth wrote:
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I often searched high and low for the glasses I was actually wearing.

I think every glasses-wearer does this.


Have you ever lost your glasses, spent ages searching for them and thought to yourself "I should put my glasses on, I'll see it better th...OH BOLLOCKS!"


Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:51 am
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
i mistook a viagra for a valium once..............

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Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:59 am
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Yesterday I dismissively told someone that they were "crowding the path". They didn't understand. This forum is affecting my brain.

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Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:01 am
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Shallowthing wrote:
Yesterday I dismissively told someone that they were "crowding the path". They didn't understand. This forum is affecting my brain.


If they didn't understand they are crowding the path, and are of no consequence. You are righteous and true.


Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:01 am
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
a mate of mine once epicly fucked up indeed, came home pissed one night, tip toed into bed got a horn on, and gave his sleeping missus a good drunken seeing too. after he was done, he went down stairs for a fag, to find his missus asleep on the sofa, waking her up he asked who was upstairs, to which she replied, her mother.

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Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:04 am
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
That could work.

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Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:36 pm
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Opinionated Loudmouth. Perkele!
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
I once got so horrendously drunk that I threw up all over my friends path room (all over - ceiling included!). It was so bad that his mum made us throw the carpet out, in our drunken state (fortunately she was in the process of replacing it with a new one). We took the now somewhat soiled carpet down to the local Sainsburys and carpeted a parking space with it.

Then there was the time I thought climbing onto a table at Slimelight while wearing very tight trousers would be a good idea. Half way up I heard an almighty rip as I tore the arse out of them. This unbalanced me, and I fell flat on my back on the dance floor and had to be helped up so everyone could see my arse flapping around. Even worse, it was at 1am, I lived in Cambridge so couldn't go home in shame, so I spent the night roaming the club with my arse exposed.


Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:51 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
After last night's show I left my keys in my guitar case which went home with our drummer. I only realised when I was pretty much outside my flat at 5am. I've only just got in. BOO!

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FULL OF HARD COCKS!

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I'd do Barbara Windsor.


Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:46 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
i left my keys at a venue once, had to break into the flat at three am, pissed,carrying three basses and an amp,not impressesed

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Sun Apr 17, 2011 2:50 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
hostilesteve wrote:
i left my keys at a venue once, had to break into the flat at three am, pissed,carrying three basses and an amp,not impressesed


I just went and kipped on Monty's sofa.

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Enos = Psychedelic space chimp goodness

WarrenSchofield wrote:
FULL OF HARD COCKS!

Zagreus wrote:
I'd do Barbara Windsor.


Sun Apr 17, 2011 3:09 pm
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Super Trooper
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
god bless monty and his soferness. i had no option but to break in, last time i kipped rough in hounslow i woke up to find a chinese man suckling my big toe and mastabating furiously, since then, i have never returned to that park

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Sun Apr 17, 2011 3:16 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Shameless necropost:

At risk of further mockery for my antipathy towards the telephone, yesterday during an unavoidable call, I was trying to give a post code ending with the letters "DT". I don't know whether it was a bad line, or the guy on the other end was deaf or regional, or I was completely incoherent with nervousness at this stage, but he misheard me as having said "BC".
"No, no!" I panicked, "D for delta, and T as in tea!"
Silence on the other end. Took me a couple of seconds to realise what I'd said wrong. I blurted "You know, the stuff you drink!" and got off the fucking phone as soon as possible.

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Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:24 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
You've been Tangoed. :lol:

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Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:03 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Beermoth wrote:
You've been Tangoed. :lol:


Snap!

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Katherine Legge wrote:
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If you could be any other forum member apart from yourself who would you be and why?

You, because i have always wondered what it would feel like to get run-over by a bus.


Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:09 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
I'm ashamed to admit how long it took me to get that, Moth. Heh.

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Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:04 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
<:) :P

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Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:42 pm
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Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
I keep accidentally poking the bruise on my forehead. If it was only once or twice, I'd probably box this as a moan, but it's taking the piss now and it's uncomfortable enough for to really remember it, so there's no excuse.

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Tue Jul 05, 2011 8:28 am
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