www.Terrorizer.com - View topic - The 'I am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
TERRORIZER FRONT PAGE
View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Mon Jan 20, 2020 6:01 pm



Reply to topic  [ 223 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 12  Next
 The 'I am a dumb shit sometimes' thread 
Author Message
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:52 pm
Posts: 7017
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
have you ever woken up in a nother country though,after a night on the piss?
went drinking in camden, woke up in belgium, no passport, no money and no shoes.
that was an interesting phonecall i tell ya.

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:40 am
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:44 pm
Posts: 15990
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Morf wrote:
I don't drink or take drugs.

Me neither.

I got my boot off in the end. It took about twenty minutes.

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:14 am
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:33 pm
Posts: 8341
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Richie H-R wrote:
Forgot I'd been handling hot chilli-peppers and started to have a wank. Let's not speak of it again.


:lol:

Some people do that for fun.

_________________
Why was the Christmas thread unlocked and then locked again??? Completely without justification.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:44 am
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:33 pm
Posts: 8341
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Enos wrote:
Shit Eagle wrote:
Can the remote reasonably be mistaken for the phone?


Not even slightly. It's a Sky remote.

I've just remembered another couple of idiotic moments.

When I was still living in Cambridge I was going out with a lovely but long suffering girl (who is now a lesbian) who was a bit of a hippy. She turned up to the pub on day in a rather lovely flowing hippy chic dress, the sort of thing you'd expect to see Michelle Phillips wearing. She looked stunning. I got up and went to give her a hug but because I'd been at the beer for a few hours I slipped over. On my way down I reached out and grabbed the neckline of her dress and ripped it right down the front. She wasn't wearing any underwear. She was in a bit of a mood with me for a while but I was a hero in the pub.

Recently I decided I would ask the rather lovely barmaid at my local on a date. She's very sweet so I figured it would be best to try and hide the fact that I am a massive wanker. Because I'm not too sure how to go about this whole single thing I was a bit nervous so decided it would be wise to get a few beers in me. Once I'd built up the courage I staggered over, opened my mouth and said "would you like to go on a date with to, I dunno, a fucking cinema or something? I'll buy you an ice cream." She looked me straight in the eye and just said "No" and carried on with what she was doing. I felt like a massive bellend. I could hear the words coming out of my mouth but couldn't stop them. "I'll buy you an ice cream!" I'm 31 for fuck's sake!!


ROFL LOLZ! :lol:

_________________
Why was the Christmas thread unlocked and then locked again??? Completely without justification.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:46 am
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 8683
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
hostilesteve wrote:
hve you ever shit in a kettle?

In my first-year flat, apparently someone took a poo in the microwave. How?

_________________
Guardian-reading Fairtrade coffee-drinking bollocks


Mon Apr 04, 2011 10:59 am
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:52 pm
Posts: 7017
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
carefully i wold imagine

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:01 am
Profile
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:25 am
Posts: 28491
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
MALIBUMAN wrote:
Richie H-R wrote:
Forgot I'd been handling hot chilli-peppers and started to have a wank. Let's not speak of it again.


:lol:

Some people do that for fun.


I can only assume they're maniacs. It was years ago, and it still makes me cry,


Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:14 am
Profile
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:54 am
Posts: 25945
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
I have never shat myself whilst drunk, although I've sailed pretty close to the wind.

A friend worked with a guy who was an alcoholic and there was a heavy drinking culture at that workplace. The guy would often be so pissed after a few drinks due to "topping up" that he'd ahve to go home. He often used to shit himself too, on one occasion he shat himself early enough in the evening for M&S to still be open and bought a new pair of trousers. He got into the toilet on the train, threw his shitty trousers out of the window and opened his shopping only to discover he'd bought a jacket instead. Another time he shat himself on the way home, put his trousers in the washing machine as soon as he got in. The next morning he was awoken by his wife screaming "Did you shit yourself last night?", he denied it and she asked him why there was a shitty pair of trousers in the tumble dryer. The whole downstairs stank of shit.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:15 am
Profile
Climate Control
Climate Control
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:25 am
Posts: 6716
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
RE Chilli incidents: I did that during an absent-minded scratch rather than a tommy-tank. The wife still smiles at the image of me begging for ice cubes and me frantically looking for a scouring pad.

_________________
Katherine Legge wrote:
Termoid wrote:
If you could be any other forum member apart from yourself who would you be and why?

You, because i have always wondered what it would feel like to get run-over by a bus.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:16 am
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:52 pm
Posts: 7017
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
i went for a piss after handling nitrate, much the same effect and blisters.
i had a blistered cock ritchie
blistered

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:20 am
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 11928
Location: Ariens Garden
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I loose my car in car parks because I'm looking for the old one not the current car.

I put a knife in the fork compartment of the cutlery draw once.

_________________
Image Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:19 pm
Profile WWW
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper

Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 10435
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
hostilesteve wrote:
went drinking in camden, woke up in belgium, no passport, no money and no shoes.


:lol:


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:30 pm
Profile
Climate Control
Climate Control
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:25 am
Posts: 6716
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Bonus points if it was in Bruges.

_________________
Katherine Legge wrote:
Termoid wrote:
If you could be any other forum member apart from yourself who would you be and why?

You, because i have always wondered what it would feel like to get run-over by a bus.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:36 pm
Profile
Star Trooper
Star Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 3373
Location: Kingdom of Loss
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Done the Chilli thing and loads of other idiotic nights out on the piss...but those stories stay with the people who were present. You gotta let 'em keep something for themselves eh.

_________________
Image

MALIBUMAN wrote:
Awesome tits for a 15 year old.


Moses The Prophet wrote:
You are facial hair?


Dreadful Doctor Dee wrote:
Terrorizer: As read by the Ayatollah


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:40 pm
Profile WWW
Climate Control
Climate Control
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 9:02 pm
Posts: 44956
Location: Béal Átha na Slua
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Beermoth wrote:
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I often searched high and low for the glasses I was actually wearing.

_________________
http://cow.org/csi/


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:49 pm
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:52 pm
Posts: 7017
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
i lost a rifle once as well, but found it again so all was well.

i did once come into gatwick airport with a machette in my bergen , no one said a thing, airport security huh.

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:52 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 11928
Location: Ariens Garden
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Solaris wrote:
Beermoth wrote:
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I often searched high and low for the glasses I was actually wearing.

Ho De!

_________________
Image Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:57 pm
Profile WWW
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 8683
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Solaris wrote:
Beermoth wrote:
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I often searched high and low for the glasses I was actually wearing.

I think every glasses-wearer does this.

_________________
Guardian-reading Fairtrade coffee-drinking bollocks


Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:30 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:44 pm
Posts: 15990
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Yeah, I've done that, and I only really need glasses for driving.

_________________
Image


Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:35 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper

Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 10435
Post Re: the 'i am a dumb shit sometimes' thread
Wolf Bender wrote:
Solaris wrote:
Beermoth wrote:
Looking for my keys when I'm driving.

I often searched high and low for the glasses I was actually wearing.

I think every glasses-wearer does this.


I don't think I've done that but I have looked for my phone while I've been on it.


Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:42 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 223 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 12  Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.