www.Terrorizer.com - View topic - Now That's What I Call Morons 12
TERRORIZER FRONT PAGE
View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Sat Jul 04, 2020 3:57 pm



Reply to topic  [ 383 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 20  Next
 Now That's What I Call Morons 12 
Author Message
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:25 am
Posts: 28491
Post Now That's What I Call Morons 12
A conversation with a friend has just reminded me of a person who, in her late twenties, claimed that Calvin And Hobbes was "weird" because she couldn't understand why Hobbes was a toy sometimes and a real tiger other times.

Who are the biggest mongs you've known?


Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:36 pm
Profile
Star Trooper
Star Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 5:01 pm
Posts: 3514
Location: the collective unconscious
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Oh god, where do I start?

The obsessive, creepily religious Michael Jackson fan who thought Jarvis Cocker should have been arrested for "treason", and who also once threatened to commit suicide because I voiced the not-unreasonable assumption that MJ liked to touch little boys' tooters in his spare time?

The teacher I had at the age of about six, who ticked me off for drawing a blue dinosaur because she "had never seen a blue dinosaur"?

The guy sitting directly behind me in the cinema during the first 'Transformers' film, who complained loudly and at length into his mobile that the plot was too complicated?

My ex-flatmate who used to wipe his arse with the bogbrush rather than the paper, and who took extreme umbrage when it was pointed out that this was disgusting and sulked for several days like a 12-year-old Ville Valo fan?

The rightwing fuckwad in my workplace who claimed all the strike action recently was organised by a secret cabal of "smackhead students"?

There's more, I'm sure.


Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:51 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 11953
Location: Ariens Garden
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
My Art Teacher; who didn't understand that the Colour we see is just how the brain interprets light bouncing off things and kept using red chalk on the black board even though I had repeatedly asked him not to.

_________________
Image Image


Sat Jul 02, 2011 7:09 pm
Profile WWW
Space Ranger
Space Ranger

Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 6:22 pm
Posts: 1960
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Clint Ruin wrote:
The guy sitting directly behind me in the cinema during the first 'Transformers' film, who complained loudly and at length into his mobile that the plot was too complicated?


:lol: Jesus titty fucking christ.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:57 am
Profile
Climate Control
Climate Control
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 9:02 pm
Posts: 45058
Location: Béal Átha na Slua
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
"Why didn't that big alien hunt down the small one that came out of that guy's chest?"

10 hours later: "so which one's The Lord Of The Rings?"

3 shit films later: "LOL He looks like the evil emperor."

3 different people, seriously.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:01 am
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:28 am
Posts: 20765
Location: Éire
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
The Swedish guy who used to travel Europe for blues gigs but (while attending our local blues festival) said he "fucking hates niggers"

The woman who claimed a boat sank because the wheels came off the bottom.

My mothers husband, who despite being a complete racist all of his life, once married a black woman.

My friends ex who wrote in her leaving cert history exam that a high number of the Nazi leadership were Jewish.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:18 am
Profile
Star Trooper
Star Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:27 pm
Posts: 3456
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
There's a girl at my work who thinks the M5 is more impressive than the Great Wall of China because you can drive a car up it.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:15 am
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:28 am
Posts: 20765
Location: Éire
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
:lol:


Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:19 am
Profile
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:25 am
Posts: 28491
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
The Wretch wrote:
My friends ex who wrote in her leaving cert history exam that a high number of the Nazi leadership were Jewish.


I know I've mentioned it before, but there was a guy on another forum who modified the usual Jew-Lizard conspiracy theory by claiming that the Holocaust was engineered from behind the scenes by Jews in order to generate sympathy for themselves, and the Jews who died in it were actually Turks who'd been forcibly converted to Judaism. I think he was more mental than stupid, but I assume he had to have an element of both.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 7:46 am
Profile
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:25 am
Posts: 28491
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Solaris wrote:
10 hours later: "so which one's The Lord Of The Rings?"


Ouch. A friend of mine who's not stupid at all but is genetically incapable of watching a film or TV show without talking through it sat through the whole series of Firefly and then Serenity before asking, about ten minutes before the end, "so what are Reavers then"?

I also knew someone who claimed she hated Apocalypse Now because "war's really horrible and pointless".


Sun Jul 03, 2011 7:50 am
Profile
Fluffy Bunny Rabbit
Fluffy Bunny Rabbit
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:02 am
Posts: 336
Location: The end of the world
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Richie H-R wrote:

I also knew someone who claimed she hated Apocalypse Now because "war's really horrible and pointless".


Priceless.

_________________
Beware the Spoons

Image

http://www.theinevitablenose.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Eschatologist/225880314091336


Sun Jul 03, 2011 9:20 am
Profile WWW
Site Admin
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:51 pm
Posts: 528
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Richie H-R wrote:
A conversation with a friend has just reminded me of a person who, in her late twenties, claimed that Calvin And Hobbes was "weird" because she couldn't understand why Hobbes was a toy sometimes and a real tiger other times.

Who are the biggest mongs you've known?


That's gonna take some beating.

_________________
Wolf Bender wrote:
Clint Ruin wrote:
Miranda looks like someone's wacky auntie who always has a gin bottle in her handbag for emergencies/brightening up her day.

I thought she looked like the head of the English department at a high school, though perhaps that says more about the school I went to than her..


Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:06 pm
Profile
Site Admin
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:51 pm
Posts: 528
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
The Wretch wrote:
The Swedish guy who used to travel Europe for blues gigs but (while attending our local blues festival) said he "fucking hates niggers"




...and this.

_________________
Wolf Bender wrote:
Clint Ruin wrote:
Miranda looks like someone's wacky auntie who always has a gin bottle in her handbag for emergencies/brightening up her day.

I thought she looked like the head of the English department at a high school, though perhaps that says more about the school I went to than her..


Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:15 pm
Profile
Fluffy Bunny Rabbit
Fluffy Bunny Rabbit
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:40 am
Posts: 255
Location: Sydney, Australia
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
I was on the train when I overheard two teenage schoolgirls. They were reading mX, which is a free and trashy gossip newspaper.


Girl 1: Hey Bec, who's Voldemort?

Girl 2: Isn't that a Pokèmon?



What. The. Fuck.

_________________
Image


Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:40 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:28 am
Posts: 20765
Location: Éire
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
miranda wrote:


One of Eric's lesser known classics -



miranda wrote:


"Clapton's popularity is a mystery - there's no fire, no abandon, no musical identity"

This is true of everything since around 71 certainly. Great blues rock guitarist with The Yardbirds (although Beck was far more interesting IMO) Mayall, Cream and Blind Faith, but without the likes of Jack Bruce/Ginger Baker, Steve Winwood or Duane Allman/Bobby Whitlock he is a turgid middle of the road cunt. But then, a lot of people like turgid middle of the road music, so his popularity is not that much of a mystery. Blues for the Daily Mail reader.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:09 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:44 pm
Posts: 15990
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
In before "TL;DR".

While hurrying to catch the coach to Leicester last night, my friend and I found ourselves caught behind a large knot of scene/trendy kids in their late teens or early twenties, walking three or four abreast in multiple ranks, completely blocking the after-hours public right of way through the Broadmarsh Centre.
"It's okay," I said politely from behind them, "Take up as much space as you like, nobody else might need to get through here."
All of the young ladies and all but one of their young male companions moved over to allow my friend and I to get past them, but there's always one - short hair, grey T-shirt with unreadable golden logo, three-quarter length shorts, unlaced and floppy trainers - who thinks they're a comedian.
"Can I touch your hair?" he said to me as I passed him.
I felt no need to dignify such a rude and stupid request with a reply, so I was somewhat surprised when the little shit just grabbed a handful of my hair anyway. On reflex, I jerked my right arm back, breaking his grip on my hair and driving my elbow into his sternum with enough force to make him take a step back. I glared at him, turned, and continued on my way. He did not like that at all.
He then proceeded to follow my friend and I the rest of the way through Broadmarsh, yelling increasingly incoherent abuse and demanding that I stop and fight him. I ignored him, which he also seemed not to like.
My friend and I exited the other side of Broadmarsh, and we were obliged to stop at the kerb and wait for the lights to stop the traffic on the main road so we could cross. He caught up with us here, and I believe this is where the first punch was thrown. He put a right-handed roundhouse into the side of my head while my back was turned, raising a small lump just on my right temple.
"WHY WON'T YOU TURN ROUND?!" he screamed.
"Because you're so ugly I don't even want to look at you," I replied, still keeping my back to him.
The lights changed, and my friend and I started to cross the main road. One of Boy Genius's female companions was trying to restrain him by this point, so we were most of the way across before he caught up with us again. Unfortunately, by this point my friend had dropped back out of my field of vision, so as I glanced back to check where she was, Boy Genius swung another punch. I think he was aiming at my chin, but he missed and landed the blow on my neck, my left clavicle taking most of of the force.
Remember what I said about Boy Genius's footwear? He overbalanced so badly he fell out of his shoes, sprawling in the middle of the road, one trainer on, one left behind. I was unable to contain myself, and burst out laughing. I was still hooting as I gathered up my friend and went on towards the coach station.
Unfortunately, he didn't like that either, and continued to follow us, still roaring abuse and demands that I fight him. My friend and I are both "skinny" and "ugly", apparently. Heh. Anyway, he then came into the coach station after us, and made another grab for my hair, which I politely deflected, and walked away. Then he took another shot at my head while by back was turned, catching me on the right hand side of the jaw (I later found that this had caused me to cut my lip against my own teeth, but I hadn't noticed that yet).
Since we had more or less reached the appropriate stand to catch our coach from, I had nowhere else to go now, so I was forced to finally face the little bugger. He tried to hit me in the face again, but that was easily deflected. I think this caused the final collapse of his temper, because he then just bared his teeth and bodily went for me, which was very silly. He grabbed my hair again, but he also put his neck in such a daft position that it would have been rude not to slip my right arm over the back of his neck and under his throat, before taking my right wrist firmly in my left hand and straightening my back just enough for his own weight to start crushing his windpipe against the side of my right forearm.
I held him like that for a second or two so he could get a sense of what it was I was doing, before calmly telling him "You let go of my hair, and I'll let go of you." He didn't, so I maintained the pressure a wee while longer before repeating my suggestion. Again, he made no move to release me, so I shifted my feet slightly, increased the force I was applying to his neck, and again made what I thought was my eminently reasonable offer. By now, his two remaining female companions were both shouting at use; the large, dark-haired ugly one demanding that I release him, and the small, blonde, cute one advising him that he should let go of my hair.
By now I felt enough in control of the situation to look over my shoulder at the ugly brunette and inform her that I would unhand her friend as soon as he stopped bothering me. I think it might have been about now that Boy Genius started to go a funny colour, because the pitch of the cute wee blonde's imprecations went up a notch or two.
"You let go of my hair, and I'll let go of you," I repeated, and this time he very deliberately released his hold. I gave it another second to make sure he wasn't going to try for a better hold or to throw another punch, and then I let go of him too. I waited while he straightened up to see if he had regained his sense and his temper; he was rather red in the face and a bit watery around the edge of the eyes, but he was okay.
"See? That was easy," I said, smiled, and once again turned and walked away, heading down the length of the stand to reach the bay our coach was scheduled to stop at. He didn't follow us again, and that was the last I saw of him.

Morons all round, really. I should probably also post this in the "I am a dumb shit sometimes" thread.

_________________
Image


Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:41 pm
Profile
Storm Trooper
Storm Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 11953
Location: Ariens Garden
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Blimey!

_________________
Image Image


Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:57 pm
Profile WWW
Star Trooper
Star Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:27 pm
Posts: 3456
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
Shallowthing in social ineptitude shocker.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:02 pm
Profile
Super Trooper
Super Trooper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:13 pm
Posts: 8762
Location: Norf
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
My metalwork teacher at school who felt my mates arse and then said "oh sorry I thought you were a girl".


Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:01 pm
Profile
Darth Fucking Vader
Darth Fucking Vader

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:25 am
Posts: 28491
Post Re: Now That's What I Call Morons 12
What JCC said.


Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:02 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 383 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 20  Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.