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 The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread. 
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Star Trooper
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Too many to mention but probably the time I suggested my mate watch the movie "Threads" while he was getting over his Mrs giving birth to a stillborn. I just forgot...

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:55 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Oh I've done that. Mentioned/requested songs about abortion when a woman who'd just had one and was quite upset about it was in the room. To be fair, I didn't know but didn't 'sense the tone' when led to change the subject.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 2:12 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Wretch wrote:
None of this stuff about headbanging to Slayer or throwing the horns makes you a prick. Now, going to a gig and standing there with your arms folded, too cool to rock, that really does make you a prick.

Tom Of The Wode wrote:
Depends on how you're feeling that night. Sometimes I just can't be fucked to move and just want to enjoy the music. Doesn't mean I'm enjoying it any less. I paid to be there and I can stand how I like!

Both of these are fine provided you're standing in the right place.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:54 am
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Storm Trooper
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I was standing with a bunch of dumb people who I vaguely knew and they started talking about ghosts. Someone asked, "Have you ever seen a ghost?" Another answered, "My mum." Now instead of realising her mum was dead as I should have done, for some reason I took this to be the punchline of a 'your mum' joke that wasn't funny, nor did it make much sense. Fuck knows how I misinterpreted this, but I laughed out of politeness. Then everyone looked at me and gasped, and my closest associate there (who was now taking responsibility for bringing the arsehole) told me off in front of everyone. I couldn't even really explain that I thought she was joking because it made no sense whatsoever. I looked like such a cunt.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:15 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Wretch wrote:
Although getting tragically drunk, taking over the stereo at someones house warming, playing ...And Justice For All in its entirety and attempting to air guitar/drum/bass all at the same time, while bellowing along possibly makes me a prick.



Change that for Slayer's Reign In Blood and that's me too. Shit.

To add to the social faux pas above, my mouth has run off before my brain has realised the situation plenty of times. I just put it down to that my brain works in a different plain of reality to theirs at those moments.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:17 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I call those "Mouth-before-brain Moments" and I have them a lot. The first time I became conscious of it was when I was stopped by a beggar with a dog on a string as I came of out Gamestation/Travelling Man with a couple of friends.
"Can I have fifty pence for something to eat?" he mumbled, in a voice that sound like a chavvy Mickey Rourke fucked up on drugs.
"You've got a dog. You can eat that," barked my mouth, before I could stop it.

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Last edited by Shallowthing on Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:36 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Maybe more of an OCD moment but still downright pricky also, at work I have two phone lines each one specific to different aspects of the business I work in. One day I was in the office on my own and a caller came through on the wrong line. I told them they had come through on the wrong line and they need to ring back on the other number, which they promptly did only of course to get me again. Yeah maybe more appropriate to start a "Oh my God, I am such a cunt" thread.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:47 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
timeandaturd wrote:
Maybe more of an OCD moment but still downright pricky also, at work I have two phone lines each one specific to different aspects of the business I work in. One day I was in the office on my own and a caller came through on the wrong line. I told them they had come through on the wrong line and they need to ring back on the other number, which they promptly did only of course to get me again. Yeah maybe more appropriate to start a "Oh my God, I am such a cunt" thread.


I have OCD too. I'm pretty chilled out now but years ago before I realised, I used to panic about every little fucking thing involving other people. I used to have "Oh my God, I'm a prick" moments about 200 times a day. A standard example of what a dick I was:

On a snowboarding trip in France I was sitting in a bar/restaurant by myself at about 3pm. These two French guys and a little girl were sitting adjacent to me at a nearby table. From where I was sitting I had my back to everyone else in the bar so I found myself looking over at their table just for something to look at.
One of them made eye contact with me a couple of times so I kept looking away in case he thought I fancied him. I started to annoy myself because I kept looking over without realising and every single time that guy would catch me.
I thought they might be a gay couple so I started getting paranoid that he thought I was staring because I was homophobic. - Yet I was still looking and getting caught, but feeling really guilty and annoyed for making him feel condemned for being a gay dad.
Then I worried they thought I was looking at their kid and I was a paedo. I was thinking, "DON'T LOOK AT THE STUPID FUCKING KID!" and "I'm alone in a bar/restaurant, I must look like a weirdo."
At this stage, that guy said something to the other other one and they both turned and looked at me. Thinking "Fuck fuck fuck, I'm such a fucking weirdo!" I turned slightly on my chair so that it would be unnatural to look in that direction, which solved the problem.
5 minutes later I got up to go to the toilet, still avoiding looking in that direction.
I walked right down to the other end of this huge bar, then along a corridor following signs to the toilets.
My eyesight is not so good so I wasn't sure what I could see at first; I stopped dead in my tracks when I thought I could see a man pissing at the other end of the corridor.
It was the men's toilets but there was no door so I could see a man pissing right in front of me from the side view.
I must have only stopped for a split second while I registered what I was looking at, but this was enough time for the guy to turn his head, and see me just standing there watching him urinating with his dick in his hand.
Then I realised it was the guy from the table and it must have looked like I followed him to the toilet to watch him. He had this fearful look on his face.
I had a massive internal spazz attack and scurried off to the women's. Then I thought, "No, I can't stay in here too long in case he thinks I'm masturbating about seeing him piss!"
I walked out after about 30 seconds, kept my eyes to the floor, walked straight out of the bar and didn't return all week.

A situation I created entirely.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:07 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Bumfinger wrote:
timeandaturd wrote:
Maybe more of an OCD moment but still downright pricky also, at work I have two phone lines each one specific to different aspects of the business I work in. One day I was in the office on my own and a caller came through on the wrong line. I told them they had come through on the wrong line and they need to ring back on the other number, which they promptly did only of course to get me again. Yeah maybe more appropriate to start a "Oh my God, I am such a cunt" thread.


I have OCD too. I'm pretty chilled out now but years ago before I realised, I used to panic about every little fucking thing involving other people. I used to have "Oh my God, I'm a prick" moments about 200 times a day. A standard example of what a dick I was:

On a snowboarding trip in France I was sitting in a bar/restaurant by myself at about 3pm. These two French guys and a little girl were sitting adjacent to me at a nearby table. From where I was sitting I had my back to everyone else in the bar so I found myself looking over at their table just for something to look at.
One of them made eye contact with me a couple of times so I kept looking away in case he thought I fancied him. I started to annoy myself because I kept looking over without realising and every single time that guy would catch me.
I thought they might be a gay couple so I started getting paranoid that he thought I was staring because I was homophobic. - Yet I was still looking and getting caught, but feeling really guilty and annoyed for making him feel condemned for being a gay dad.
Then I worried they thought I was looking at their kid and I was a paedo. I was thinking, "DON'T LOOK AT THE STUPID FUCKING KID!" and "I'm alone in a bar/restaurant, I must look like a weirdo."
At this stage, that guy said something to the other other one and they both turned and looked at me. Thinking "Fuck fuck fuck, I'm such a fucking weirdo!" I turned slightly on my chair so that it would be unnatural to look in that direction, which solved the problem.
5 minutes later I got up to go to the toilet, still avoiding looking in that direction.
I walked right down to the other end of this huge bar, then along a corridor following signs to the toilets.
My eyesight is not so good so I wasn't sure what I could see at first; I stopped dead in my tracks when I thought I could see a man pissing at the other end of the corridor.
It was the men's toilets but there was no door so I could see a man pissing right in front of me from the side view.
I must have only stopped for a split second while I registered what I was looking at, but this was enough time for the guy to turn his head, and see me just standing there watching him urinating with his dick in his hand.
Then I realised it was the guy from the table and it must have looked like I followed him to the toilet to watch him. He had this fearful look on his face.
I had a massive internal spazz attack and scurried off to the women's. Then I thought, "No, I can't stay in here too long in case he thinks I'm masturbating about seeing him piss!"
I walked out after about 30 seconds, kept my eyes to the floor, walked straight out of the bar and didn't return all week.

A situation I created entirely.

Image



:lol: Brilliant.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:18 am
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Darth Fucking Vader
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Triggerhappy wrote:
Too many to mention but probably the time I suggested my mate watch the movie "Threads" while he was getting over his Mrs giving birth to a stillborn. I just forgot...


I haven't seen Threads but his made me laugh. I did a similar thing as a student I was sat with two friends who were a couple, treating them to a recorded tape of Wesley Willis, I was fast forwarding looking for funny bits and came across the song Jesus is the Answer which begins with Wesley telling the listener he's going to "Fuck yo up like in a car crash, fuck you up like a goddamn accident" (inkeeping with the Christian message). The girl had last a family friend in a car crash two days earlier, her boyfriend was trying to signal to me but I was obliviously chuckling and shouting along.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:22 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Delectable Dr Dee wrote:
Triggerhappy wrote:
Too many to mention but probably the time I suggested my mate watch the movie "Threads" while he was getting over his Mrs giving birth to a stillborn. I just forgot...


I haven't seen Threads but his made me laugh.


You need to see it so you can understand how this is the funniest thing I've read on here for quite a while. Fucking brilliant!

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:56 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Bumfinger wrote:

On a snowboarding trip in France I was sitting in a bar/restaurant by myself at about 3pm. These two French guys and a little girl were sitting adjacent to me at a nearby table. From where I was sitting I had my back to everyone else in the bar so I found myself looking over at their table just for something to look at.
One of them made eye contact with me a couple of times so I kept looking away in case he thought I fancied him. I started to annoy myself because I kept looking over without realising and every single time that guy would catch me.
I thought they might be a gay couple so I started getting paranoid that he thought I was staring because I was homophobic. - Yet I was still looking and getting caught, but feeling really guilty and annoyed for making him feel condemned for being a gay dad.
Then I worried they thought I was looking at their kid and I was a paedo. I was thinking, "DON'T LOOK AT THE STUPID FUCKING KID!" and "I'm alone in a bar/restaurant, I must look like a weirdo."
At this stage, that guy said something to the other other one and they both turned and looked at me. Thinking "Fuck fuck fuck, I'm such a fucking weirdo!" I turned slightly on my chair so that it would be unnatural to look in that direction, which solved the problem.
5 minutes later I got up to go to the toilet, still avoiding looking in that direction.
I walked right down to the other end of this huge bar, then along a corridor following signs to the toilets.
My eyesight is not so good so I wasn't sure what I could see at first; I stopped dead in my tracks when I thought I could see a man pissing at the other end of the corridor.
It was the men's toilets but there was no door so I could see a man pissing right in front of me from the side view.
I must have only stopped for a split second while I registered what I was looking at, but this was enough time for the guy to turn his head, and see me just standing there watching him urinating with his dick in his hand.
Then I realised it was the guy from the table and it must have looked like I followed him to the toilet to watch him. He had this fearful look on his face.
I had a massive internal spazz attack and scurried off to the women's. Then I thought, "No, I can't stay in here too long in case he thinks I'm masturbating about seeing him piss!"
I walked out after about 30 seconds, kept my eyes to the floor, walked straight out of the bar and didn't return all week.

A situation I created entirely.

Image

You are the female Larry David.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:13 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I was in charge of getting films for the evening to cheer up my mate's girlfriend whose mum had just died. I thought comedy would be a safe bet, and unwittingly got two films revolving around the death of a family member and the comical consequences. Can't remember which ones they were, but one had the guy from Jackass stealing someone's mum's coffin.

I also asked an elderly gentleman recently if he wanted a mirror whilst he shaved, to which he replied, "no thanks, I'm blind". I'd just read in his notes too that he was blind. D'oh!

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:27 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Too many to count. I'm generally coming to the conclusion that I'm not the nice guy I thought I was. I am a complete cunt, and spend large chunks of my life cringing about proper arsehole stuff I've done in the past.
The rest of my life is spent doing stuff that will later turn out to be completely arsehole-ish.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:19 am
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I went to my cousins Christmas dinner/drinks party in her new house a few years ago, and talk turned to music, which somehow brought up Alanis Morrissette. I forgot I wasn't with my mates and loudly blurted out "I never found her interesting until I saw that picture of her with her trousers down having a piss on a fire escape" which I imagined in my merry state was acceptable and amusing family dinner banter. Its only when I stopped laughing at the idea I noticed everyone else looked horrified and didn't speak for what seemed like fucking ages.

I am a prick.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 12:59 pm
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
When I have to give people my business card. Feels great every time, but then I remember that I'm a 22 year old man with a business card. No-one likes that guy. Why? Because he's a prick.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:04 pm
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Do you have a special little case for them, like a Bateman style yuppie?


Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:08 pm
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I have the little plastic box thing they came in but nothing else. Used to keep them in my wallet but they got too scuffed up and I kept giving them to people I met when I was drunk. I usually keep about 3 in the inside pocket of my jacket just in case but usually I know when I'll need them.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:12 pm
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
I got business cards too but I have never taken them out of the office. I did once, showed someone and then metaphorically punched myself in the balls for doing it.

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Termoid wrote:
If you could be any other forum member apart from yourself who would you be and why?

You, because i have always wondered what it would feel like to get run-over by a bus.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:25 pm
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Post Re: The "Oh my God, I'm a prick" thread.
Not one of mine, but a mate recently told me that his brother walked in on him one time and caught him weight-lifting, with a half-eaten can of cold Stagg chilli with a spoon in on the table, while watching Conan The Barbarian with Director's Commentary.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:22 pm
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