long overdue stupitidy feed me thinks.

for the last few weeks i have been using a cream for a spot on my chin, turns out that the cream is thrush cream, oh i fealt like a cunt all right.

I once used super-firm-hold 80s-strength hair spray on my arm pits thinking it was deodorant. I know, that's such a fucking Ben Stiller thing to do, but unfortunately it's true.

I once knew someone who wiped his arse with Flash wipes. You could hear it for miles.

hahahah thats class, painful but class

One of my uncles, still befuddled by sleep, made a cup of coffee using gravy granules.

I once misconstrued the meaning of 'tablet' and ate 12 doses of Ex-Lax chocolate before bed.

I have a pictorial checklist of what I need when I go out on the back of my bedroom door. Without it I would not be able to leave the house.

Being me is like having an idiotic, beligerant 5 year old to look after.

Forgot I'd been handling hot chilli-peppers and started to have a wank. Let's not speak of it again.

That's the same reason why I always keep exactly the same things in the same pockets. It's like a tactile checklist - these days I can tell whether I've got everything just by patting.

i have a mental checklist of ' keys wallet fags phone. everything else is unimportant,

Salt in tea instead of sugar? Check. Last two teabags in the house? Check.

Also, took a dump in a takeaway toilet before checking there was toilet roll. Thankfully I had a wallet full of receipts.

Slick.

forgeting to boil the kettle first is a good one.

They were after, yes.

I use one of my socks if I get caught out with no toilet roll.

I made my list pictorial and more detailed after several visits to the shop with no money. Wallet on its own wasn't enough.

ah i see, joys of living above a shop i guess.i had drunk sex once with a pretty young thing when i was about 17 is, just as she was riding me to climax, i realised the condom had come off, i panicked and pulled her of me, .....face first into the wall. she wasnt too impressesed afterwarwards.

I'm horribly absent minded :S

Once poured myself a cup of tea with the water filter water instead of the kettle. Spit out the tea in shock when I had a sip, expecting hot tea.
The 'handling chilli then having a wank later on' - been there, done that, learnt a lesson.
Closing the car door whilst still having my fingers in it - yep, done that.
The other day I licked the inside of a pineapple tin and cut my tongue.
Walking up the escalators of the tube, trying to flirt with a fit bloke - thought it'd be sexy to walk past him, turning around and smiling at him - yeah, I tripped and banged my knee. He was nice though, but I was too embarrassed to ask for his number and just fled haha

Or the time when I was 21 or so, was in my favourite metal/goth/punk club back in Austria. Sat on a table with friends, wanted to go to the dancefloor but was trapped inbetween people. Thought it'd be cool to walk across the table with my wine glass in my hands, trying to impress some bloke on the other table. Of course I slipped and fell off the table. I didn't spill any of the wine though, although I landed on my butt haha Oh the shame...

hahahah i get nervous talking to girls i like, normally end up saying ' corrr dont you have nice boobs' or something

I've just cooked a pizza at 200°C instead of the usual 150°C. Fuck's sake.