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 Film Thread VI 
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Anchorman: The Ron Burgundy Story.

I only laughed once at this film and it was at the scene where Jack Black kicks Will Ferrell's dog over the side of the flyover. What exactly was Will Ferrell's appeal? He's not funny in the slightest and the secondary characters were annoying, especially the retard with the glasses.

0 Fists.

Friday The 13th: Part 2.

Tits, killing, tits, bad acting and tits. What's not to like?

3 Fists.

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Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:05 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Bonkers.
Anchorman is one of my favourite comedies. Ridiculously quotable and always funny, even after somewhere between 15-20 viewings.

Thr sequel, not so much.

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Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:40 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
The problem with Anchorman is that it's too enamoured with its own 'cleverness'.

People have made that accusation against The Big Lebowski too, but Lebowski is actually clever and works on a few different levels.

Anchorman is a one dimensional dumb comedy with easy targets. Entertaining yes, but it isn't a comedy classic.

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Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:59 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Only watched the Anchormans for the Applegate! Will Ferrel not that funny.


Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:50 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Anchorman is ace.

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Mon Oct 16, 2017 4:19 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
HUMAN EXPERIMENTS
(1979)

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A female country singer is found guilty of murdering an entire family, when in fact all she did was stumble onto the murder scene and shoot the killer. Sent to prison for life, she becomes the latest guinea pig in a series of experiments by a mad doctor.

With no UK release since it was banned in 1984, if there's any justice, Human Experiments will never see the light of day ever again. Not because of any of its content, but because of how excruciatingly and inexcusably boring it all is. Prolonged and gratuitous shower scenes, straight girls being forced into doing lesbian stuff, sexyviolence and copious general nudity are mandatory requirements of the Women in Prison genre, but Human Experiments disappoints on every level.

Other than a little nudity, a brief shower scene, and an interrupted fingers under the knickers moment, there's very little of any mucky interest here. Jackie Coogan slums it as a sleazy nightclub owner, Aldo Ray (The Green Berets, and father of Twin Peaks actor, Eric DaRe), plays a corrupt sheriff, John Travolta's sister turns up as an inmate called “Mover”, and a clearly embarrassed Geoffrey (Salem's Lot, Every Which Way But Loose) Lewis plays the mildly creepy prison doctor.

On the plus side, there is one half decent scene which features a load of tarantulas, scorpions and other assorted bugs being dumped over lead actress, Linda Haynes. Serves her right for having such an a ghastly singing voice.

1 Fist

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Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:03 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DAWN OF THE MUMMY
(1981)

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After the death of Egyptian Pharaoh, Sefirama, his mummified corpse is placed into a snug little sarcophagus, his slaves are poisoned with pretty red smoke and buried along with him, and a predictably evil curse is placed on the tomb by an evil woman with an evil accent.

Cut to modern day (well, 1981) Egypt, and the tomb has been conveniently uncovered right at the same time that a bunch of sexy models turn up for a photo shoot. A few light fingered locals melt to death after discovering the gas used to poison the slaves is still deadly after 3000 years, and the corpse of the Pharaoh slowly becomes a little less corpsey until it's able to shamble slowly around killing anyone in the vicinity slower and stupider than itself.

Sticking pretty much to the same basic plot as every other mummy film ever, the only real difference here is that the featured mummy and his reanimated minions are more of the zombie variety than anything else this time, munching their way through brains and stomachs, with the big lad even using a machete at one point.

The women are annoying, screamy things, the men are annoying, bad actory things, and the gore is strictly of the cheap foam latex, rubber heads, and animal guts being pulled from under jumpers variety. The acting is dreadful all round, the pacing is ridiculously slow with nothing of any actual interest happening for huge chunks of the film, and like a hefty amount of other films seized during the Video Nasty scare of the '80s, the whole thing is utterly awful from beginning to end.

Yet, all that said, it still somehow manages to be better than the new Tom Cruise mummy film. Apart from the scenes with Russell Crowe, of course. Because those are just fucking hilarious.
2 Fists

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Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:32 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Cult of Chucky: Time for Mancini to pack it in. I actually thought it was worse than Curse. Just a dull fillm all round. The Marvel-esque ending pissed me off too. 2/5

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I've seen one Child's Play movie, either the first or the second. Whichever one it was, all I can remember about it was that it was fucking terrible.

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 2:44 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
The first one is brilliant.
Seriously hit and miss thereafter.

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:08 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
After rewatching the sequels back in 2014 I pretty much decided that all of the sequels are misses with perhaps the sole exception of 2.

Bride hasn't stood up

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:03 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I still like Bride. Everything after is pretty much arse. Although Curse does actually try to evoke the feel of the original, at least to some extent.

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:50 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
3 is probably the worst one

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:52 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Nah, some of Chucky's lines in Part 3 are superb ("Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me!") and Andrew Robinson is always good value.




AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING
(2017)

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Similar to a few other movie franchises, the Amityville series started with a bang, lost its footing during the sequel (or prequel in this case), and tried for years to reinvent itself into something relevant or even remotely scary, only actually coming close to succeeding once with the so-so 2005 remake.

Astonishingly, there are ten movies in this seemingly never-ending haunted house series (a further eight if you include a bunch of loosely connected straight to DVD films), and with less than three of them being any good, the chances were stacked against this one from the start. Even more so when you discover the film was withdrawn from its release schedule no less than seven times before finally being chucked out on VOD five years after its original slated release.

Rather unexpectedly however, Awakening actually turns out to be one of the series' better entries. Not as good as the original, its follow-up, or even the remake, and still only bang average at best, it still sits firmly above the likes of Dollhouse, The Evil Escapes, Curse, It's About Time, A New Generation, and the seriously misguided 1983 stab at 3-D.

Wisely ignoring every single one of the sequels, Awakening is a meta affair grounded (at least to begin with) in factual reality where Ronald DeFeo Jr. really did kill his family in 1974, and where the Amityville movie series exists.

This time, a family consisting of a goth teenager (Bella Thorne), her younger sister, her paralyzed brother and his life support machine, and her mother (a collagen enhanced and heavily facelifted Jennifer Jason Leigh) move into the scary house because of its low price but soon realise they may have dropped a bit of a clanger.

Not having seen any of the Amityville films or having heard of the DeFeo case, the daughter is introduced to the house's spooky history by a couple of schoolfriends who look like they're going to be a major part in the story but who have been completely forgotten about half an hour later. The vegetative, paralyzed brother suddenly begins to show signs of improvement, but it becomes clear he might not entirely be himself.

For the first forty-five minutes, Awakening is a pretty decent film. Unfortunately, after that (much like the 1982 prequel) everything falls apart and becomes a tiresome sequence of lacklustre and predictable scenes of people running, screaming, shooting and hiding.

I always smile when I see Kurtwood Smith (Clarence Boddicker from Robocop) appear on the credits for anything as he always seems to have the ability to make the intolerable tolerable. Unfortunately, here he's reduced to reciting a few wooden lines and swallowing a roomful of CGI flies. Not much room for character development here, I'm afraid.

Director Frank Khalfoun has shown real talent for the horror genre with his remake of Maniac, and killer security guard film, P2, but here he may as well be directing a daytime TV movie. Still, Bella Thorne is a decent lead, the story moves along quickly, and the whole thing is kept relatively short. It's just painfully indicative of how bad this series actually is when three fairly non-committal and generic endorsements can elevate it to fourth best in a series of ten.

2 Fists

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Fri Oct 20, 2017 12:09 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Child's Play is a poorly made film. It looks like an old TV film. Laughable direction really. Sure there are a few good lines,,but the series was already tired, thats why it was rebooted 6 years later! Heh

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Stat_Rad wrote:
3 is probably the worst one



Hands down.


:|

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Sat Oct 21, 2017 5:39 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD
aka Virus
aaka Night of the Zombies
aaaka Zombie Creeping Flesh
(1980)

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I have no idea why I sat down and wrote actual words about this film when posting the confused Mark Wahlberg gif from The Happening would have pretty much covered everything, and in a tenth of the time.

While investigating a highly dangerous toxic leak with a colleague who says things like, “I'm a tit man, myself”, a scientist wearing only the headgear of his hazmat suit is bitten by a zombie rat. Making absolutely certain to pull every possible lever within his reach before he dies, he releases green poison gas into the air, infecting his co-worker and everyone else in the vicinity with something called “Operation Sweet Death”.

Some scientists come to the rescue, but unfortunately these scientists turn out to be idiots, one removing his gas mask for absolutely no reason at all as he falls victim to one of the slowest, gentlest zombie attacks ever captured on film. And so, before you can say zombie scientist army, the infection takes hold of the facility within the space of two minutes and everyone dies. Probably.

We don't actually get to find out because suddenly we're following a group of police commandos(?) dressed in blue uniforms killing terrorists who are holding people hostage for some reason.

After shooting all the baddies and slitting their throats like all good police commandos are trained to, we skip that story as well and move the action to New Guinea where the police commandos meet up with a sexy model anthropologist type who likes getting undressed and painting her tits for the natives. There's a zombie priest, a bloke who systematically insults everyone around him until he gets eaten by his zombie kid, some slow motion stock footage of a monkey, some slow motion stock footage of a bird, some stock footage of dancing natives, and stock footage of pretty much everything that doesn't include the actors.

Zombies munch on fake body parts and chew through rubber flesh, unrealistic blood pours, drips and explodes, and people say and do unbelievably stupid things before everyone eventually gets killed and the zombie plague reaches the civilised world, thankfully putting everyone out for their misery.

“Listen to me, you bastards. I've decided to kill everybody!”.
2 Fists

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Sat Oct 21, 2017 11:05 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I've only saw the original Amityville and thought it was shit.

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Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:29 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Creepy and campy fun.
And that's just James Brolin's beard.

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Sat Oct 21, 2017 1:44 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I only vaguely remember the original, I watched it sometime in the '80s. Was there a scene where he hallucinates his face peeling off, or something along those lines? The remake was OK, the only other installment I've seen - I seem to recall reading a novelisation of the original as a teen, too.

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