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 Film Thread VI 
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
The House That Jack Built: I kind of agree with Spiny on this one, but I liked it a little bit more than he did. It's too fucking long, and the epilogue kind of comes out of nowhere with a completely different visual style that the previously generic and drab handheld 'realism' doesn't prepare you for. This was intentional, obviously, but the question is why didn't Von Trier take us on a more otherworldly/surreal ride earlier on in the film?

On the plus side, the narration is really good, some of the best I've heard in recent film, and Dillon gives one of the best performances of his career as a psychopathic killer.

It could have used more dark humour ala American Psycho, but overall I thought it was decent, if unspectacular. There was probably a really good film in there somewhere, but Von Trier didn't find it.

3/5

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Sun May 19, 2019 3:05 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Taxi Driver - I enjoyed the first hour of the movie or so a lot and was prepared for some bleak as shit drama but as the movie took a thriller-ish turn I got rather bored.

My Name is Nobody - Fun western with interesting characters. Better than the previous time I tried it.


Tue May 21, 2019 12:40 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI


This looks SHIT!!!!! Stop with this Terminator crap already! It was never meant to be a franchise!

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Fri May 24, 2019 1:42 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I just stumbled upon this



Does this guy resemble Charles Bronson or what? :lol:


Sat May 25, 2019 10:33 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Sssssss
(1973)

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You might think that The Fly is the daddy of man-turns-into-something-else creature features, but that's only because you haven't seen Sssssss. Starring a pre-Battlestar Galactica/The A-Team Dirk Benedict, this 1973 classic is easily the best mad-scientist-turns-man-into-King-Cobra film you will ever see.

Benedict plays a lab assistant hired to help a bonkers herpetologist in his work with venomous snakes. Of course, nobody knows the scientist is a loony, not even his lovely daughter (Heather Menzies from Joe Dante's Piranha), who immediately falls in love, blissfully unaware that her new boyfriend is actually being unwittingly injected with a serum which will eventually turn him into a giant rubber reptile.

Although the film moves extremely slowly, the scenes which feature actual snakes are quite tense and well directed, going some way to make up for a lack of overall pace and story. Real snakes are used whenever possible (the actual King Cobra is a mightily impressive beast), with pretty good replicas used for most scenes involving the actors. And unlike some other '70s animal horrors, the film actually gets its sciencey facts correct (apart from how to transmogrify a human into a ten foot slithery thing, obviously).

In truth, nothing much happens in the first hour or so. Benedict complains about feeling cold, looks a bit peaky, and sheds a bit of skin, but everything happens at once in the last half hour - a local bully gets on the wrong side of a Black Mamba, a fellow scientist threatens the mad doc and ends up tangling with an angry python, and when Menzies goes to a carnival sideshow (run by Tim O'Connor from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century), she discovers the fate of her dad's former lab assistant.

Slow and silly, with some decidedly dodgy early '70s transformation effects, but still highly watchable.
2 Fists



MIDNIGHT RIDE
(1990)

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Seemingly have given up the way of the jedi as well as the way of decent acting, Mark Hamill leaves the ghost of Skywalker behind (for a while anyway) to play one of the worst, most accidentally hilarious homicidal maniacs ever in this epic disaster of an action thriller.

Michael Dudikoff (American Ninja) plays a cop called Lawson. We literally know nothing else about him other than that he has one leg in a cast, that he's married to the lovely Lara (Savina Gersak from some stuff you probably won't have seen), and that she wants to leave him.

After dumping Dudikoff at a grocery store and driving off, Lara picks up a hitchhiker (Hamill) who, almost immediately, begins acting strangely. This progresses quickly to acting wildly and erratically, and finally to just acting like a complete fucking nutter. Equipped with the world's fastest polaroid camera and an admittedly impressive array of facial contortions, Hamill grins, laughs, sneers, roars, chuckles, snarls and screams through his lines, amplifying each and every expression to the maximum. We are definitely not at home to Mr. Subtlety tonight.

Dudikoff, unhappy at being dumped, gives chase, and while clearly wanting to come off as concerned and lovelorn, actually succeeds in coming across just as mental as Hamill in his single-minded pursuit of a woman who clearly doesn't want to be with him any more. Cars are dumped and blown up, coaches and lorries are hijacked. Cops, motel owners, abused girlfriends, and just about everybody Hamill comes into contact with end up not breathing any more.

As it turns out, Hamill wants to visit his old doctor (Robert Mitchum - yes, that Robert Mitchum) for some reason, and with Lara as his captive, goes to see him at his hospital with (the possibly mentally unstable himself) hubby arriving shortly behind them. After tying the extremely bored looking Mitchum up in a chair, Hamill faces off against Dudikoff, and the pair begin their final showdown.

And this is where the film takes a turn for the utterly fucking amazing.

Dudikoff (his leg now free of his cast) is stabbed in the shoulder by Hamill, but even in his seriously incapacitated state, still manages to fight him off. The scrap goes from the ground floor of the hospital, up some stairs briefly before the pair fall straight back down to the ground floor again. Running through a perfectly normal looking double door (now, remember this is the ground floor of a hospital), all of a sudden there's a very distinct lack of floor and the pair plummet fifteen feet into the basement. Health and Safety should be having serious words about this.

Leaping onto a nearby quad bike (er, what the absolute f... oh, just go with it), Hamill rides down a flight of stairs which wasn't there before and is set on fire. Dudikoff chases him up the stairs, but instead of being back on the ground floor of the hospital again, we're now in some sort of huge open air computer room. Pushing Hamill off the edge and into a huge box of electricity which wasn't there before either, Dudikoff wins the day and goes back to claim his wife who doesn't want him.

Looking like a woman forced at gunpoint into an arranged marriage, Lara is clearly unhappy at the one-sided romantic reunion, so what exactly is the message the film is trying to relay here? Keep hold of your man, even if he's a bit of a dick, because if you don't you'll probably end up being murdered by a maniac?

Anyway, the whole thing climaxes with a "shock" ending every bit as hilarious as it is telegraphed, and as Mark Hamill overacts majestically for one final time, stumbling to the floor with a stick-on gunshot wound attached to his forehead, the credits roll, accompanied by a sultry jazz saxomophone and trumpet soundtrack that sounds like it belongs in some Channel 5 softcore porn film.

Fuck it, I don't even know Fists

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Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:55 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DUMBO (2019): Fuck the critics. They are playing a game of stacks on. It has some narrative problems because it was written by a hack writer, but there is a wealth of sensory information here that communicates real feelings. It's the most visually extraordinary and distinctive looking film to come out of Hollywood in a while, and it's generally well acted, although of the few of the performances are spotty. It also sneaks in a critique of big business entertainment.

Burton's best in years. 6.5 or 7/10.

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Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:48 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Watched it yesterday, but all I saw was a virtually joyless two hour condemnation of animal cruelty. Barely any of Burton's trademark visuals were on display. And considering it was a circus movie - one of his favouritest things ever - you'd think he'd have been allowed a bit more creative freedom by the house of mouse.

Dumbo himself had no personality, just big eyes and floppy ears. Colin Farrell at least came close to a decent accent this time, but his lack of an arm served little to no purpose and just felt like Disney were just ticking boxes again. As did the strong willed, independent mixed race girl character.

All that said though, at least the wife and I managed to get to the end this time, unlike Mary Poppins. The kids still got bored after an hour though. But considering all Dumbo did for the whole film was cry, look scared, miss his mum, and fly around in circles, that's not really surprising.

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Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:44 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
There are plenty of Burton moments, especially during the Coney Island sequence. There are shots and scenes right out of Batman Returns, and the sentiment at times was reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands.

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Tue Jun 18, 2019 7:35 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
A handful of shots which if you added them up would struggle to top two minutes. The spooky sideshow attractions were crying out for some Beetlejuice style fun, but all we got was some red and green lighting.

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Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:18 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Disagree. No other director would have made it that way.

Did you like Dark Shadows? I rewatched it and surprisingly enjoyed it. Thought it was arse in 2012.

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Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:30 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I liked DS, although I thought Burton could have used CGI to make Alice Cooper look a bit younger.

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Wed Jun 19, 2019 2:01 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
^^Forgot to ask, what do you mean by box ticking? In a diversity sort of way? I think it is very clear that Farrel, the girl and Dumbo are linked thematically.

Rewatched it last night and probably liked it even more the second time.

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Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:48 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
They are linked thematically. Dumbo is crippled with fear and depression, Farrel is crippled because the script required him to have one arm for some reason, and the girl is crippled with an acute case of SIDF (Strong and Independent Disney Female).

The ticking boxes thing was just me being a cynical twat.

Central female character-wise, We've had white girls, black girls, Asian girls, native American girls, Indian girls, Maori (or Polynesian, whatever - I haven't seen that one) girls, ginger ones, and now mixed race. It'll be a fat, spotty one next.

No, of course it won't. Spots and fat girls are only ever baddies in Disney.

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Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:44 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
The Magnificent Seven - 1960

Great western with an awesome-as-shit cast. I should check out the Japanese movie it was based on again, too.


Sun Jun 23, 2019 12:10 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
SUBCONSCIOUS CRUELTY
(2000)

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Fucking hell, Canada. I don't know what problems you were having around the turn of the century but I really think we need to sit down and have a little chat.
Okay, I understand you might have still been suffering from post-Celine Dion guilt, but come on. A low budget indie art house film which shows Jesus being raped in the bottom with a massive tree branch surely can't be the best way to deal with your problems.

And it's not just poor old Jesus on the wrong end of some messed up fuck-uppery in this (thankfully short) portmanteau of short, thematically related stories about how the left and right hemispheres of the brain perceive morality and religion (all pretentious nonsense of course, and all filmed under standard film school weird lighting). Opening with a scene which features an eyeball being cut out of a woman's womb (nope, no idea what that's all about), it then moves onto a virtually plotless story about a man who fantasises about killing his sister's baby while it's actually being born.

After dreaming about sloshing around in his sister's menstrual blood, he masturbates while watching her have sex, and then spends a good two minutes afterwards staring at the jizz on his hands. The "story" ends shortly after he actually kills the baby and explains how he didn't really enjoy fucking his sister's corpse.

I don't know about talking, Canada. I'm now actively thinking you should be on some form of register.

We then reach a short story so painfully shallow, it could have been dreamt up by a twelve year old ( a seriously fucked in the head twelve year old anyway). A bunch of naked people writhe around on a field, fucking it, fisting it, making it bleed, and poking it with sticks. Yeah, it signifies the rape of the earth or something. What-fucking-ever.

The final part is where the director obviously wants to offend everyone he hasn't actually managed to offend so far. A man bashes one out over some naughty porn and then, after another jizz staring scene, imagines his cock having the skin flayed off it as he's given the bloodiest wank since the barbed wire scene in Human Centipede 2. Then Jesus appears and is raped by some women. I'm probably wrong but it all just seems to be a simple message of redemption as wanky man then goes on to dream about himself having all his sins being washed away in a waterfall until everything is clean and wholesome again. Then the screen turns red, which probably signifies that sin always returns, no matter how much you scrub yourself clean.
Or something.

It's quite obvious that director Karim Hussain's main intention was to stir up as much controversy as possible with this film, presumably so he could feign shock at the guaranteed accusations of blasphemy and claim everything was all done in the name of art. You know, the usual trick. A hint of actual talent creeps surprisingly to the surface occasionally, but mostly It's just a shallow and transparent attempt at lowest common denominator "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!" attention whoring from a director who appears to have more than a couple of issues to deal with.

1 Jizz covered Fist

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Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:29 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
No Escape
aka No Escape From the Penal Colony
(1994)

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Somewhere in the future, Ray Liotta plays a soldier who gets sentenced to life imprisonment on a maximum security prison for murdering his superior officer during a parade (he has a good reason for this, don't worry). After disobeying orders at every turn and generally making a nuisance of himself to nasty warder Michael Lerner (Godzilla, Barton Fink), Liotta is sentenced to more life on an inescapable island called Absolom.

Captured by a tribe of cannibals led by a particularly vicious (but also highly amusing) psychopath called Walter Marek (Stuart Wilson - the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 3), Liotta escapes and is discovered by a second, more peaceful tribe under the leadership of "Father" (Lance Henriksen from Aliens).

Although never stopping with his escape plans, Liotta helps his new friends defeat the cannibal clan (there's a traitor to uncover as well), and the whole thing ends with heads on spikes, fights, guns, spears, explosions, and a corny but satisfying climax.
3 Fists



Joe vs the Volcano
(1990)

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One of those films I always wanted to see but never got around to until now, Joe vs the Volcano is a quirky little film with interesting visuals and an overall peculiarity of style that might not appeal to some. In fact, when you look back to 1990 and how this and Bonfire of the Vanities were received, both critically and at the box office, it's surprising that Tom Hanks managed to shrug off both disappointments and went to become TOM FUCKING HANKS.

Hanks plays Joe, a hypochondriac with bad shoes and a worse haircut, who works in a dead end job and generally trudges through life like it's a death sentence. Given six months to live with something called a "brain cloud", Joe is given the opportunity to live like a king for three weeks before jumping into a volcano on a tiny South Pacific island, killing himself to appease the gods worshipped by the indigenous tribe.

Taking the job, Hanks cleans up, cheers up, and eventually falls in love with Meg Ryan (playing three different roles) on his voyage to the island. When their boat capsizes during a storm, Hanks and Ryan are set adrift, and from that point the film adopts a strange dreamlike quality where you're never too sure what is happening is actually real or just fantasy (prior to the sinking, Ryan very deliberately mentions dreams can be much more intense). Especially during the over-the-top, cartoon-like climax.
3 Fists


Tuff Turf
aka Love Fighters
(1985)

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While stopping a bunch of punks mid-mugging, a young, cocky James Spader falls instantly in love with Frankie, the gang leader's girlfriend. New to the town, and with the occasional help of even cockier Robert Downey Jr, Spader pursues the girl with impractically long hair but fails to stop himself getting beaten up every five minutes by her jealous other half.

After an afternoon of hi-jinks at a country club, and dancing at a club where the band - the brilliantly named Jack Mack and the Heart Attack (who are still going, incidentally) - are the most frighteningly eighties thing you've ever seen, Frankie eventually succumbs to Spader's charm, but things escalate when her bonkers boyfriend finds out, and fists soon turn to guns and hospital visits.

From the hairstyles and clothes to the insistent electro-pop soundtrack and even the title, Tuff Turf simultaneously encapsulates everything wonderful and hideous about 1985. The acting from Spader and Downey is clearly above everyone else in the film and it's no surprise they rose to the top of the food chain, but the supporting cast do their best and everyone looks like they're having lots of fun (especially the band).
3.5 Fists

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Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:42 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Eventually got around to watching Crazy Rich Asians. 4.5 fists

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Sat Jul 13, 2019 12:30 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Spiny Norman wrote:

Tuff Turf
aka Love Fighters
(1985)

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While stopping a bunch of punks mid-mugging, a young, cocky James Spader falls instantly in love with Frankie, the gang leader's girlfriend. New to the town, and with the occasional help of even cockier Robert Downey Jr, Spader pursues the girl with impractically long hair but fails to stop himself getting beaten up every five minutes by her jealous other half.

After an afternoon of hi-jinks at a country club, and dancing at a club where the band - the brilliantly named Jack Mack and the Heart Attack (who are still going, incidentally) - are the most frighteningly eighties thing you've ever seen, Frankie eventually succumbs to Spader's charm, but things escalate when her bonkers boyfriend finds out, and fists soon turn to guns and hospital visits.

From the hairstyles and clothes to the insistent electro-pop soundtrack and even the title, Tuff Turf simultaneously encapsulates everything wonderful and hideous about 1985. The acting from Spader and Downey is clearly above everyone else in the film and it's no surprise they rose to the top of the food chain, but the supporting cast do their best and everyone looks like they're having lots of fun (especially the band).
3.5 Fists


This is exactly the kind of film I started doing that 1985 film project the other year to find. I've just checked letterboxd, and I also gave it 3.5.

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Wed Jul 17, 2019 8:59 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Spiny Norman wrote:
No Escape
aka No Escape From the Penal Colony
(1994)


It was released here as Escape From Absolom. I actually saw it at the cinema. Fuck all people there!

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Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:27 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I don't know how well it did over here in the end, but I saw it in its opening weekend and the (Friday night) showing was almost full.

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