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 Film Thread VI 
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DAY 12

Yeah, we're doing these now.
All of them.

WRONG TURN
(2003)

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With standard stalk and slash horror films being at a premium around the turn of the millenium, a new franchise was needed to give things a serious shove back to the glory days of the '70s and '80s. The Halloween series was struggling, Jason Voorhees had jumped the shark so far he'd ended up in space, and A Nightmare on Elm Street had stalled completely after 1994's post-modern Scream warm-up (another series which ended in 2000).

Slasher films were still doing the rounds of course, but between '00 and '02, the only notable entries were Scream 3, Jeepers Creepers, Cherry Falls, Urban Legends 2, Jason X, Valentine (does anyone even remember that?), and the appalling Halloween Resurrection. With the genre in need of a boost, 2003 ended up becoming a bit of an, ahem... turning point, as along with Wrong Turn, House of 1000 Corpses, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, Freddy vs Jason, and Jeepers Creepers 2 all did well at the box office, and helped pave the way for even nastier films like Hatchet, Hostel, The Devil's Rejects, a brutal remake of The Hills Have Eyes, and the Saw series.

But for now, back to 2003.

Set in West Virginia but filmed in Canada, Wrong Turn really is as simple as it gets. A bunch of twenty-somethings get stranded in a forest and get picked off by inbred mutant hillbilly types. The characters/mutant fodder are likeable types for the most part, the main pair of Eliza (Buffy) Dushku and Desmond (Dexter) Harrington doing their best to survive until the closing credits without slipping into unrealistic romance territory (that part was thankfully left on the cutting room floor). Jeremy Sisto from Six Feet Under plays another one of the unlucky hikers, but the real star of the show is the gore.

Steering away from unrealistic CGI blood, the original wisely keeps things traditional for the most part by using practical effects wherever possible. There are a couple of CGI shots, but they're over quickly and executed well. Easily the best film in the series, Wrong Turn moves along briskly and the suspense is racked up nicely, especially the scene where the four hapless victims are trapped in the house with the (thankfully unaware) murderous mutants.
3.5 Fists

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Sat Oct 13, 2018 2:04 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Spiny Norman wrote:
Slasher films were still doing the rounds of course, but between '00 and '02, the only notable entries were Scream 3, Jeepers Creepers, Cherry Falls, Urban Legends 2, Jason X, Valentine (does anyone even remember that?), and the appalling Halloween Resurrection. With the genre in need of a boost, 2003 ended up becoming a bit of an, ahem... turning point, as along with Wrong Turn, House of 1000 Corpses, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, Freddy vs Jason, and Jeepers Creepers 2 all did well at the box office, and helped pave the way for even nastier films like Hatchet, Hostel, The Devil's Rejects, a brutal remake of The Hills Have Eyes, and the Saw series.


Valentine was cheeks. Not sure about the bow you are drawing here. Saw is not really connected to those 2003 films as it was written in 2001. Freddy Vs Jason was basically a cartoon. Corpses was finished in 2000 I think and was only a minor success. Jeepers Creepers 2 did ok, but it wasn't that well liked and wasn't particularly violent. I agree that the success of the Texas remake, which nobody really expected, could have potentially opened the doors for more extreme stuff, but not those other films.

Texas really started the unfortunate trend of horror remakes.

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Have seen all the TAXI's except 3 which I found in charity shop. The one with Bai Ling! :D


Sat Oct 13, 2018 2:30 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Stat_Rad wrote:
Spiny Norman wrote:
Slasher films were still doing the rounds of course, but between '00 and '02, the only notable entries were Scream 3, Jeepers Creepers, Cherry Falls, Urban Legends 2, Jason X, Valentine (does anyone even remember that?), and the appalling Halloween Resurrection. With the genre in need of a boost, 2003 ended up becoming a bit of an, ahem... turning point, as along with Wrong Turn, House of 1000 Corpses, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, Freddy vs Jason, and Jeepers Creepers 2 all did well at the box office, and helped pave the way for even nastier films like Hatchet, Hostel, The Devil's Rejects, a brutal remake of The Hills Have Eyes, and the Saw series.


Valentine was cheeks. Not sure about the bow you are drawing here. Saw is not really connected to those 2003 films as it was written in 2001. Freddy Vs Jason was basically a cartoon. Corpses was finished in 2000 I think and was only a minor success. Jeepers Creepers 2 did ok, but it wasn't that well liked and wasn't particularly violent. I agree that the success of the Texas remake, which nobody really expected, could have potentially opened the doors for more extreme stuff, but not those other films.


Doesn't matter how good Valentine was (it wasn't - it was rubbish), it still made a reasonably healthy amount the box office. Same as Freddy vs Jason (which, like you say was like a a cartoon) or JC2. The popularity of the original JC bought people back. No, it wasn't anywhere near as good as the original (which pretty much started to fall apart itself about two thirds of the way in) but it still brought in the punters. Although by that point, it was clear that neither had done enough business to justify sequels. The fact that these were horror films actually getting a cinema release in the first place made them higher profile than straight to DVD fodder.

Saw may have been written in 2001 and Corpses finished in 2000, but that's not the point. They were released in 2003 and that's when people got to see them.



Anyway...


DAY 13

WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END
(2007)

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With the original Wrong Turn having done so well, the inevitable sequel arrived, but surprisingly not until four years later. With so much time having passed, instead of leading the pack, Wrong Turn found itself playing catch-up with other recently established horror series like Saw, Hostel, the rebooted Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hills Have Eyes, and Final Destination.

Although the basic premise of “hillbilly mutants kill people in the woods” stays exactly the same, the sequel sensibly shakes things up as much as it can. Instead of a bunch twenty-somethings who wander around and get lost in the woods, this time we have a reality TV survival show where the contestants wander around and get lost in the woods. A big plus point for Wrong Turn 2 is the former army colonel, Dale Murphy, played by the mighty Henry Rollins. Rollins might not be the greatest actor to have ever graced the movie screen, but without his personality, this film would have sunk without trace.

Following the rules of the sequel, the gore quotient goes up, the amount of murders goes up, but unfortunately so does the level of CGI blood. The death sequences straddle that fine line between brutal and laugh out loud funny, the victims are either likeable sorts you are genuinely sorry to see go, or the type you can't wait to see on the receiving end of an axe or a well placed arrow or three. It's nice and bloody, features some lovely gratuitous nudity, and the music score comes courtesy of an up-and-coming Bear McCreary (The Walking Dead, Agents of SHIELD).

The only (and in fairness, pretty insignificant) problem with Wrong Turn 2 is its continuity to the first film. One surviving mutant (the perma-chuckling Three Finger) returns, but now he has a completely different family, and has rather confusingly relocated to a completely different place while somehow managing to stay in exactly the same location. The outdoor field used to dump the vehicles of their victims is now inexplicably safely tucked away indoors, and the unhelpful, toothless old man from the original returns, but now he's apparently part of the family. All of this makes for a film which doesn't seem to know if it's a sequel or a remake. But at the end of the day, when there's that much blood flying around, does that really even matter?
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Spiny Norman wrote:
Doesn't matter how good Valentine was (it wasn't - it was rubbish), it still made a reasonably healthy amount the box office. Same as Freddy vs Jason (which, like you say was like a a cartoon) or JC2. The popularity of the original JC bought people back. No, it wasn't anywhere near as good as the original (which pretty much started to fall apart itself about two thirds of the way in) but it still brought in the punters. Although by that point, it was clear that neither had done enough business to justify sequels. The fact that these were horror films actually getting a cinema release in the first place made them higher profile than straight to DVD fodder.


I reckon you are just trying to find a pattern where none exists. It's just a whole bunch of loose associations. Horror had been getting steady theatrical releases since Scream hit the big time in 96/97. The lull period didn't last long. We also had Final Destination too.

What really happened during the the early 00's is that the 'irony' period of horror was over and people felt more comfortable and confident making straight forward blood thirsty films like the old days again because the stigma was gone.

We are now in a period where horror films are bigger with mainstream audiences than ever before. The Conjuring universe, for example, when taken as a whole, has brought in more money than any other horror franchise, especially on a film-to-film basis.

Valentine bombed theatrically btw. It cost 29 mill and made 36. That's a bomb.

SUNCHASER: Shame this was Cimino's final film. Not bad per se, but there is a lot of dodgy mystical shit in it and it plays like an after school special. Harrelson is OK in the lead, but he isn't totally convincing either. 5/10

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Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:34 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
So since my last post...

Voyage Of Time - It breaks my heart to say, but I didn't enjoy it.
L'assassino
The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Blood and Black Lace
The Long Hair of Death
Kill, Baby... Kill
Castle of Blood
Anatomy of a Murder
The Mercenary
5 Dolls for an August Moon
Cold Blooded Beast (aka Slaughter Hotel)
A Bay of Blood (aka Twitch of the Death Nerve, aka Ecology of Crime, aka Chain Reaction, aka Carnage, aka Last House on the Left – Part II)
Four Flies on Grey Velvet
Death Walks on High Heels

---

Of all the Mario Bava I've done so far (and I still have a couple to go yet) I'd probably rank them

Black Sunday
Blood and Black Lace
The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Five Dolls for an August Moon
Kill, Baby... Kill
A Bay of Blood
Hercules in the Haunted World

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
You do realise I'm not submitting a thesis, right? :lol:

I (frivolously) included Valentine because it was a relatively high profile film, and that it was easy to poke fun at. Whether it bombed or made a mint doesn't really interest me, just that it was advertised (in this country anyway) on nationwide TV and daily press, and that was pretty rare for a Non-Scream/franchised slasher film at the time.
I'm talking about profile, not quality. The two rarely intersect anyway tbh.

You say there was a lull at the start of 2000. Well, that's what I said but in a slightly different way. To a large extent, post-modern horror stopped being a thing around 2000, which led to a drop-off (it wouldn't be a huge one, considering the comparatively size of the genre, but it was noticeable nevertheless). Then, like I said, around 2003 for whatever reason - and films like Wrong Turn were part of it - the genre started to find its feet again. Slashers were then quickly overrun by torture porn and then they in turn were replaced by the more recent spate of exorcism films and ghosty stuff like The Conjuring and Insidious.

I didn't include Final Destination, because although it follows the Ten Little Indians slasher formula, Death isn't a serial killer and you can't ever have a scene where the final girl/boy faces off against in a climactic fight against him/it. A massive part of the slasher format.



WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD
(2009)

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And so, the series with conveniently interchangeable subtitles continues, but this time only straight to DVD. With a much smaller budget than the first two films, something had to suffer, and with the second sequel that something was, well... everything.

With a cast gathered primarily from England, the only recognisable American actor here is Mac McDonald, and even he's mostly known for English comedy show Red Dwarf and appearances on other UK based television programmes. Sadly, the “English people make better villains” thing is blown out of the water here by the film's lead goon, Tamer Hassan. A Turkish Cypriot from the east end of London playing a Mexican criminal in an American based movie filmed in Bulgaria. Not altogether unexpectedly, Hassan's accent is as tortured as most of the movie's more unfortunate victims.

To the series credit, at least this sequel tries something new. This time it's a busload of convicts chained at the ankles, who are hunted by the mutant known to the credits of all three films so far as “Three Finger”. Having lived with one set of mutants in the first film, Three Finger apparently moved in with another set for the sequel, and in this one he lives with a brand new brother, the imaginatively named “Three Toes”. How many more family members does the dungaree wearing lunatic actually have lurking around the woods?
Wait until Part 6 for your answer.

Anyway, everyone gets killed in messy ways, there are the first signs of the torture porn road the series would soon go down, the gore is plentiful but now also extremely cheap looking (the part where one guy gets sliced into three vertical slices is nothing short of embarrassing) and each kill features way too much computer rendered blood. There's still a healthy amount of actual gore, but most of it just looks like it was thrown together at the last minute. As does the mean-spirited, tagged-on ending that somehow manages to be simultaneously annoying, unnecessary, confusing, contrived and utterly shit.
2 Fists

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Annihislater wrote:
Five Dolls for an August Moon
Kill, Baby... Kill


:shock:

I just watched my 19th Bava last night: Four Times That Night. An erotic comedy.

Haven't seen Hercules, but I've seen Erik The Conqueror which was far better than I expected.

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Stat_Rad wrote:
Annihislater wrote:
Five Dolls for an August Moon
Kill, Baby... Kill


:shock:

I just watched my 19th Bava last night: Four Times That Night. An erotic comedy.

Haven't seen Hercules, but I've seen Erik The Conqueror which was far better than I expected.


Even though Five Dolls is a bit of an oddity, there's was just something about the sexy jazz murder island that drew me in.

I enjoyed KBK, but the ending really left a sour note with me. I'm not a huge fan of supernatural explanations. Unless it's something like Black Sunday where it's established at the outset that it's supernatural.

Hercules looks fantastic. Like The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad on LSD. But the plot and the acting really let it down.

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DAY #15

WRONG TURN 4 - BLOODY BEGINNINGS
(2011)

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Switching from the picturesque and uniquely irreplaceable American West Virginian mountains (filmed so far in Ontario, Vancouver, and Bulgaria) to the whiter, and much colder climes of Manitoba (Canada again), Wrong Turn 4 does its best to serve as a plot-hole laden prequel to the original movie.

In 1974, a young Saw-Tooth, One Eye and Three Finger - the three mutant brothers from the first film - are being held in a large and absolutely inescapable mental asylum.
As they make their easy escape, the trio let everyone else out of their cages in the process, literally letting the inmates take over the asylum. Blood, guts and severed limbs are scattered and spattered all over the place during one of the goriest sequences in the series to date. Okay, the effects aren't amazing but they do the trick. Besides nothing can be as bad as the guy sliced into three CGI pieces in the last one.

Cutting to 2003, presumably a few weeks before Eliza Dushku and Officer Joey from Dexter arrive in the not-really-West-Virginia woods, the inbred trio are now all grown up and still living in the asylum in the middle of snowy nowhere. After a brilliant but completely unnecessary opening sequence featuring some sweaty and vigorous boy/girl, girl/girl sexytime, four horny couples head up the snowy hills for a spot of sex and skiing, but get lost and end up... oh, just have a guess.

After some more absolutely-integral-to-the-plot lesbian fun, the teens start getting picked off one at a time in true slasher style, each of them being deaderised in extremely gory, but increasingly unfeasible ways. By the time the mutants start slowly skinning one unfortunate victim and eating the bits of flesh in front of him, the series has clearly made its choice to become the next Hostel.

As is standard with the majority of horror prequels, there can be no survivors as that would raise too many questions when watching the original again, and that turns out to be the case here too with a final sequence even more mind-bogglingly stupid than the one in the previous film.

However, even then we're still left with some unanswered questions. If the mutants have lived at the asylum their whole lives then where did the field of abandoned cars in the first film come from, and where did all the cars inside the paper mill come from too? If there's only three of them, how come Three Finger has another brother in the third film, and an entire new family in the second? But most importantly of all, why do I even care?
2 Fists

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Annihislater wrote:
Stat_Rad wrote:
Annihislater wrote:
Five Dolls for an August Moon
Kill, Baby... Kill


:shock:

I just watched my 19th Bava last night: Four Times That Night. An erotic comedy.

Haven't seen Hercules, but I've seen Erik The Conqueror which was far better than I expected.


Even though Five Dolls is a bit of an oddity, there's was just something about the sexy jazz murder island that drew me in.

I enjoyed KBK, but the ending really left a sour note with me. I'm not a huge fan of supernatural explanations. Unless it's something like Black Sunday where it's established at the outset that it's supernatural.

Hercules looks fantastic. Like The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad on LSD. But the plot and the acting really let it down.


KBK has a uniformity of style that Dolls lacks. Dolls is one of his weakest films imo. Even Bava thought so!

Plot and acting = generally shit in Bava. Just degrees really. It doesn't matter as much when the style fits the material and elevates it.


Re: Wrong Turn. I'm surprised they made that many films. The original was 3 fists at best, and that's possibly being generous.

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Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:12 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
I like the original more than I probably should, and I'm a sucker for anything featuring Henry Rollins so the second one gets a pass too.

Latest news is that they're doing another one soon.

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DTV horror is big business, so that doesn't surprise me. They are obviously making enough money to justify pumping out more sequels.

When did Wrong Turn become DTV? No.2 or.3?

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
WT2 was shown at festivals but pretty much went straight to DVD. I remember reading it was originally meant for a widespread cinema release but things didn't go to plan. Shame really, some of the exteriors actually look quite cinematic. The acting wasn't.

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DAY #16

WRONG TURN 5: BLOODLINE
(2012)

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Four sequels down the line and it's obvious that the Wrong Turn series has long since given up even attempting to maintain any sense of continuity or sense within its own timeline. Now, in this fourth and obviously direct to DVD sequel, the inexplicable decision was made to re-introduce the toothless and virtually pointless old man from the first two films and make him a central figure. This time though, instead of an old, dentally challenged yee-haw, we have someone called Maynard Odets played by the very English Doug Bradley (Pinhead from Hellraiser), a serial killer father figure to the three Hillicker brothers. Oh yes, sorry, I forgot to mention the happy little mutants were given a completely unnecessary family name in the last movie. Anyway, Odets spends most of his time saying "focking" and his entire character barely makes any sense at all. Mind you, at this point in Wrong Turn Land, nothing makes any sense any more. Even the fourth film looks like it may actually have been some kind of reboot now.

After being arrested while trying to kill some dispensable teenager morons, Odets is thrown in the town jail where for the next hour of the film he repeatedly, and with irritating smugness, proceeds to tell everybody within earshot that "you're all going to focking die". Meanwhile, the three brothers come down from the hills to rescue him, shutting off the town's power in the middle of a music festival, and killing everyone with bouncy boobies and/or a speaking part.

Continuing down the road to torture porn, there really is nothing of any value here at all. While the original actually managed to be scary in places, and the second had a handful of decent characters (as did the third, but to a much lesser extent), parts 4 and 5 don't even have that. Each character is introduced purely for the sake of being killed as ridiculously as possible. No scares and no shocks, just (occasionally amusing) impractical and prolonged murder set-pieces. Over the course of two short films, the once scary inbreds are reduced to being nothing more than particularly mean-spirited hillbilly versions of Wile E Coyote.

So, apart from an early appearance by a largely untalented Finn Jones (Marvel's rather dismal Iron Fist), and the fact that like the third film, this one was filmed entirely in Bulgaria with an all British cast doing shit American accents, there really is nothing worth mentioning apart from the blood, tits, painted sausages, and maybe the bit where two unlucky chaps get mowed to death.
1.5 Fists

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Day #17

WRONG TURN 6: THE LAST RESORT
(2014)

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The Last Resort.
Wow.
Never before has a film been so accurately titled.

But before we begin, let's do a fun little recap so we know exactly where we are. Let's face it, at this point we're almost guaranteed to know more than the producers.

Wrong Turn – Three mutant hillbillies (Saw-Tooth, Three Finger, and One Eye) try to kill Eliza Dushku's acting career.

Dead End – Henry Rollins fights Three Finger and an unexplained new family.

Left For Dead – Convicts vs mutants. Three Finger gains another new brother. And then promptly loses him.

Bloody Beginnings – A snowy prequel/possible reboot featuring the original mutants who are now called the Hillicker brothers.

Bloodlines – Another prequel. Possibly. Who knows at this point? Now with the three Hillickers and an escaped serial killer.

All caught up? Good.

With absolutely none of the previous movies actually being shot in the US, the only sense of continuity this time (the three murderous inbreds aside) is that Wrong Turn 6 keeps firmly away from the country where it's actually meant to be set. Taking us back to Bulgaria, we're given another predominantly English cast doing some really bad American accents.

An annoying twenty-something called Danny inherits a massive European looking health spa in the middle of Sofia, West Virginia. After taking an instant dislike to Danny's friends and girlfriend, the caretaker/manager and his lovely sisterwife take him to one side and explain that he's actually related to a family of forest-dwelling inbreds and that he should give up his nice life in the big city, move to the countryside and fuck all his relatives.

It doesn't take long for Danny to lose his marbles and in the space of just one or two days, he goes from disliking his new family members to liking them, to taking up the bow and arrow and shooting a deer, to discovering a hidden village of inbreds living in the woods, and trying to get his cousin pregnant. Meanwhile, Saw-Tooth, One Eye and Three Finger just run around the place (now occasionally in robes for some reason) doing their best to kill everyone in a variety of increasingly unlikely ways.

Not one single character in this film is likeable. Not even accidentally. The worst of the bunch being former Emmerdale actress turned reality TV bad girl, Roxanne Pallett, who spends the first half of the film acting like an entitled brat and the other half getting all her clothes off. In fairness, her sex scene is one of the best the series has to offer and ends in a predictably nasty manner.

Anyhoo, by the time Danny's girlfriend realises what's going on, she's pretty much already the final girl as everyone else in the film is already deader than their acting careers. And in true Wrong Turn fashion, it all ends on a spectacularly bleak note and everybody goes home just that little bit stupider and dirtier for having watched it.
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DAY #18

TARANTULAS – THE DEADLY CARGO
(1977)

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An unwanted bunch of eight legged bitey things hitch a lift on a wobbly aeroplane piloted by Tom Atkins (Halloween III, The Fog), and Howard Hesseman (Commandant Lassard's boring brother from Police Academy 2) as they transport coffee from South America back to the US. It doesn't take long for the banter between the pilots to go a bit stale and the angry arachnids respond by biting their way through some expendable South American extras in the back of the plane, eventually making it into the cockpit and causing the aircraft to crash in a small US town.

Escaping the wreckage, the killer spiders wander about all over the town, randomly biting anybody unlucky enough to come in contact with them before local doctor Pat Hingle (Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever etc.) realises that hairy, spindly legged immigrants are to blame for everything.

After the spiders finish biting some not altogether talented actors, they gather together in the local orange production factory, attracted by the smell of succulent fruit. And it's then that the frankly preposterous plan of playing the sound of angry wasps through a dodgy PA is hatched, the idea being that the sound of the buzzing insects will put the spiders into a terrified trance, enabling some nervous looking unpaid extras to get rid of the temporarily catatonic menace.

Looking every bit as wooden as the made for TV thriller it is, the acting is reasonable but the script sits on shaky ground as the facts stated during the regulation straight-faced, stare-dramatically-into-the-camera sciencey bit are demonstrably incorrect. With the film using a mixture of cuddly Mexican red-kneed tarantulas, and the admittedly horrible looking - but also virtually harmless - California Desert Tarantula, the movie's designated spider expert tells us authoritatively from behind a microscope that these are in fact Wandering Spiders, or “Banana Spiders”. The problem is that now, as every graduate of the University of Animal Planet will tell you, the Wandering Spider isn't actually a tarantula. And apart from having eight legs and nasty fangs, it doesn't even remotely look like one.

Obviously I understand the filmmakers reluctance to chuck bucketfuls of the deadliest spiders in the world over the heads of actors (no matter how untalented they might be), but surely it would have been easier to say that these rather normal looking tarantulas were in fact mutants, hybrids, or even, as in William Shatner classic Kingdom of the Spiders, released earlier that year, just blame the whole thing vaguely on "some sort of imbalance" and just leave it at that. One thing that this film does make crystal clear though, is that during the 1970s, without the benefit of a hundred National Geographic channels at the flick of a remote control, the cinema-going public was an awful lot easier to scare than today.

2.5 Fists

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Post Re: Film Thread VI
DAY #19

THE BURNING
(1981)

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The film I hold entirely responsible for my love of slasher movies, I didn't actually get to see The Burning in full until two days after I started it. Being aware of the film from video magazines and having seen it in the tabloids during the “video nasty” scare, when my old man bought a pirated video home with him one night, I had to ask him to let me watch it. He was fine about it but my mother was the problem. She hated horror films. Reluctantly, she went against her better judgement and allowed me to see it.

All was going well (especially after seeing my first ever pair of ladyboobs during an early shower scene) until after the infamous raft sequence when she suddenly shot up from her chair, strode towards the video recorder, and viciously pushed the eject button. Snatching the cassette roughly from the toploading VCR, she ungraciously shoved it back into its slipcase and disappeared into the kitchen with it.

Bedtime.

Great.

Thanks, mum. Not only did you let a twelve year old watch a video nasty but you turned it off while the freaky looking psycho killer was still creeping around slashing kids faces and fingers off. So, without any form of closure, I lay awake for hours wondering if those plucky kids would see off the maniac with the worryingly sharp garden shears, or if they would fail horribly and he'd be staring into my bedroom window the next time I looked nervously outside into the dark. Eventually I fell asleep but I made finding the confiscated video my number one mission. It didn't take too long and a couple of days later I finished it off before going to school.

As uncomplicated as it gets, some teenagers at a summer camp play a prank on a drunken caretaker called Cropsy which results in him almost being burned to death. Cropsy survives, and after scaring a couple of doctors and stabbing a flabby prostitute to death with scissors, heads back to the summer camp where it all began with revenge on his melted mind. Armed with a shiny pair of garden shears and an enthusiastic Rick Wakeman keyboard score, Cropsy starts picking off the terrified teenagers one or two at a time.

With the exception of one dodgy looking rubber hand, the special effects (courtesy of Friday the 13th's Tom Savini) are superb. Fingers get chopped off, throats are slashed and impaled, and the ending features arguably the best axe through the head scene in '80s horror. The suspense leading up to some of the red herrings and murder sequences is highly effective, the script is often really quite witty, and the acting is surprisingly decent.

While Friday the 13th gave the world Kevin Bacon, many of the actors in The Burning also went on to bigger and better things. Jason Alexander became George Costanza from Seinfeld, Fisher Stevens went on to play the Indian scientist in Short Circuit (as well as being Michelle Pfeiffer's other half for three years), Oscar winner Holly Hunter (Broadcast News, The Incredibles) makes a brief appearance, and other cast members went on to appear in films with the likes of Al Pacino, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Mel Gibson. It was also one of the first movies to be produced by entertainment giants Miramax, the company started by Bob Weinstein and his brother, the currently unpopular celebrity masturbator, Harvey.

A completely unbiased 4.5 Fists

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Fri Oct 19, 2018 6:15 pm
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
^^Jason Alexander with hair eh? Watched it last year, thought it was cheeks. 2 fists.

Rules Don't Apply: Warren Beatty's big comeback? Nah. 2/5

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Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:24 am
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Post Re: Film Thread VI
Sorry, but The Burning is great.
Dated as fuck now, obviously, but great.

Went to see the new Halloween last night.
Enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.
Words later.

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Sat Oct 20, 2018 9:47 am
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